A few weeks ago, I ordered a pair of on-sale sandals from Spring. Why, you may ask, did you ever order sandals at the end of summer? Because I like to plan ahead, ok? Gosh.

The sandals were low-cost enough that I put aside my hesitation of ordering from Spring aside. Now, for anyone who knows me, knows I order a lot online. I don’t normally hesitate about ordering online.

But I had already had a bad experience with Spring. (The plot thickens.) You see, a couple years ago I ordered some shoes online from Spring. I was excited. In fact my actual words, blogged the summer of 2008 were:

I love the camel colour – I don’t think I have any shoes in that colour. They were on sale from $59.99 to $34.98 and Spring Shoes has free shipping right now with easy in-store return. That’s pretty much the best thing ever.

So, I tracked my packaged religiously. Yay, shoes getting closer to me! But then one day noticed the package had been “accepted” by someone in Québec. WTF? I panicked and called the Customer Service number thinking someone accidentally received my shoes and accepted the package thinking, “All right! Free shoes!”

Oh. No. It turns out Purolator couldn’t deliver my shoes as no one was there to receive the package when they tried. So they were shipped back to Spring Shoes’ warehouse in Québec.

Wait, what? Why didn’t Purolator try to um… Contact me in any way? Isn’t that usually how it is? You leave a note or something saying you tried? And here’s the kicker: I lived in a building with a 24/7 doorman (who once asked me out in the most awkward elevator ride ever – but I digress, that is another story). There’s no way that no one was there to receive said package.

The Customer Service rep explained this to me on the phone and that I would be refunded. Please note: This was the first time I had heard that I was not getting my shoes. When I called. There was never any communication about trouble shipping my shoes before and I only knew this had happened because I was so enthusiastically tracking my package. I asked the rep if I could then re-order my shoes because I still wanted them. I was told I couldn’t, as they were now out of stock on that pair. Well, awesome.

Definitely not the great first experience with shopping Spring online.

This time around, I figured that more than two years had passed so surely they must have sorted their online shopping issues, right? Surely! It’s 2010. Online shopping isn’t that difficult!

But alas, it was not meant to be. Except this time I’m even more indignant about it!

Here’s where the #fails happened:

1. The website kept telling me my suite number was an invalid number. Canada Post told them so, so SURELY I must be wrong. I clearly don’t know where I work. I decided, eff it, I’m ordering them anyway and I’ll sort out the proper shipping address after.

2. I immediately went to their contact us page. Listed before their phone number is their email address. And I don’t feel like calling a call centre, like many of us feel so of course I’m going to email them to tell them to rectify the problem. I email them to let them know my shipping address on my order was incorrect and I would like them to fix the issue before it ships out. Never got an answer.

3. I then reached out to them on Facebook to let them know what a frustrating experience I had on their site. My exact post, and their reply:

Notice how they didn’t actually read my post at all. Fail!

4. 3 weeks pass and nothing. No email. No shoes. I finally get an email with the first line saying: “We’re sorry to hear that you have chosen to return your Spring online purchase.”

Uh. No. I didn’t decide to return my stupid shoes. You decided not to deliver them because your customer service channels are INCOMPETENT. I immediately email them back saying, essentially, that I did not chose to return my shoes, they had never arrived. I expressed how unhappy I was with ordering from their site, that I doubted I would order from them again, and to please rectify this.

I never got an answer.

5. Two days later, I called customer service (finally). They told me that yes, there was trouble delivering the package. I explained that their site was not functioning and I had emailed their customer service channels several times without reply. The customer service rep told me, “Yes, our emails are really backed up, that’s probably why you haven’t received an answer.”

Um, excuse me? I get that emails may be backed up but then you probably shouldn’t advertise it as an available customer service channel! That makes sense, right?! If you can’t answer customer problems via that channel, maybe you shouldn’t list it. It’s like telling a customer to call you at your 1-800 number and then just not answering the phones.

So this is the second time I’ve ordered from Spring and now the second time I’ve never received my shoes. As the saying goes: Once bitten, twice shy. The incompetency of them keeping my money is astounding. So suck it, Spring Shoes. You will never get my online dollars again.

PS: And for the record, Spring hadn’t actually refunded my purchase by the time I called. The rep assured me I would receive my refund but who knows, right? They clearly don’t know how to do business so I sincerely wonder if they can handle a simple refund.

You know what I wish I had?! A date with an absolutely flawless man who talk to me in a completely condescending way about something they will NEVER GET – literally and figuratively: Periods!

Yes, you’re a man, Brad, Ryan and Trevor. And only men can be the experts on feminine hygiene, according to BBDO Toronto. Because us women? Well, according to these ads, we’re mute and dumb! We don’t get complicated things like menstrual products. It’s just too HARD to understand what products we use every month and you never do. My brain hurts! All I want to do is watch you take off your shirt and educate me on what it’s like to be a woman.

Let me show you what I mean:

Oh yes, and there’s two more ads like these that are JUST as creepy, ladies. Yaaaay.

First of all: What the fuck were the planners thinking on this one? Did Stayfree even GET planners for this account? Let’s be clear about this: This strategy? This direction? Completely missed their target. Like, you missed this SO hard that I’m surprised you even know what a man is and a woman is. If you’re not sure, they are COMPLETELY SEPARATE GENDERS. OK? OK!

BBDO Toronto, I ask you seriously: Did a man come up with this (creative) strategy? Because it reeks of man.

This infuriates me. It creeps me out. I’m bored! And I’m not even angry I’m bored at these terrible, terrible ads and that you wasted 7.5 minutes of my life because I’m too pissed off at everything else about these commercials!!

Look: I’m a woman. I try really fucking hard some times to be everything society tells me to be. I try to be cute. I try hard to keep my weight down (because apparently I love “thinness”). I try hard to be a great cook (and succeed! I make a mean pasta dish, seriously). I try to volunteer and then feel guilty about not giving enough time or money. I can’t even try to like chores.

To have a man come onto my TV screen, look me in the eye and outshines me in every way does not make me want to date him. I don’t even want to be near him. I certainly don’t want to listen to him tell me about how great Stayfree’s panty liners are in a “just smile and nod, darling” way.

Here’s a better idea for Stayfree: Get to know your target. OK? You’ll find out some interesting things! Like, we’re not fucking dumb! And we don’t look to men to tell us what to buy! I KNOW! DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING!

Just to clarify this for you, this is your target:

Now that we have our target, let’s write a strategy!

“Stayfree’s feminine products work just as hard as I do.”

Stayfree? Call me.

Thanks to my mom for passing this along to me. As you asked, here are my thoughts about it!

So I took a taxi downtown this evening to go see my good friend, Jon Crowley, celebrate his birthday in style at #loserkaraoke. When it came time to pay the lovely taxi driver, my credit card was declined. Ruh roh, as my lovely Tumblr would say. Not good.

I stood on the street for about 10 minutes, on my phone. I have two Scotiabank numbers in my adress book. Apparently the first one has regular business hours (wha?) and the second one just gave me beeping noises (ummm. ok.). So I grab my suddenly suspicious (and, I might add, new) credit card and call the number on the back. And get stuck in an infinite loop of automated menus. Pressing a bunch of zeros doesn’t even help! Gaaaah.

Finally, in desperation, I grab my bank card and call the number on the back of that! Successfully navigating  the menu this time, I get put on hold… for 10 minutes.

Now, I am a rational person. And it just so happened I was in quite the relaxed mood tonight. But I cannot imagine what someone who is freaking out about the credit card being stolen would feel about that kind of experience. And hasn’t Scotiabank been touting they’ve won awards for their customer service? It’s not playing out well right now for them. I am not impressed.

So I give up, and go inside and enjoy myself for an hour or two. Sadly, and sorry Jon!, I could not stay too long. The first thing I do when I get home is check my balance online. Yep, something is definitely up.

So I call the last number again, and get put on hold for 5 minutes. I don’t really understand why it took so long at 11pm on a Thursday night for Scotiabank to answer. Must be understaffed. Finally! Someone answers. After answering all the questions correctly to identify myself and explaining the situation, I am told that yeah, there might be some suspicious activity and did Scotiabank call me to let me know they’ve possibly locked down my card? Of course not. Seriously, that would have been nice to know BEFORE I got in the cab, you know?

And the kicker? The Scotiabank system is currently updating and the CSR cannot access my information right now. I now get to wait 1/2 hour for her to call me back when the system is ready to deal with me.

This is ridiculous. Scotiabank, I’ve been a customer of yours for a very long time (you know, since birth and all). 24 years of loyalty. TWENTY-FOUR. And up until recently, I would never dare dream of switching to another bank. I like your brand. I like your ads. I like the people I’ve dealt with. Customer service has been pretty good, for the most part, in my experience. But this kind of thing is the kind of incident that makes me take a step back and assess things.

Things like how you still don’t have an iPhone app. That would be nice. Or how you excitedly just introduced text alerts to customers’ phones. Excuse me? Text alerts? Isn’t that so 2004? I’m being serious here. As someone who enjoys the new and exciting things the internet and mobile industry can bring me, your lack of investment in keeping your technology up-to-date is a huge red flag to me.

So please. Call me back. Fix this. And tell me you have something shiny and new for me to play with. Then I think we’ll be ok.

“The result: More happy men at bars. Less broken up couples.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhrgh!

Because, I, as one part of couple, absolutely want to be in a relationship with a person who lies to me about where he is. THAT, according to Cerveza Andes, is a good relationship. Thank god for Cerveza Andes! Because of them, I too can be in a relationship with a liar! Phew, dodged that bullet.

Listen, I know the state of the nation. Beer commercials are all aimed at men. Women are always cast as either sex objects with skimpy clothes, or as the “ol’ ball and chain” girlfriend. And it’s getting really old.

I am female. My drink of choice? Beer. I have beer several times a week. And I will allow for some stereotypical commercials with the guys and the party and the hot tub with the girls in them in the mountains. What I can’t stand? The portrayal of females as being crazy, clingy or a drag. To the point where their boyfriends HAVE TO LIE TO THEM ABOUT WHERE THEY ARE. RAGE!!

Screw you Cerveza Andes, you have truly insulted me. I’ll stick to my brand of Keith’s, whose spots are at least original and interesting. And you know, DOESN’T INSULT HALF OF ITS BUYERS.

<Deep breath.> Ok.

Mark Zuckerberg, founder of Facebook.com, recently told a live audience that the age of privacy is now over and if he were to create Facebook again today, user information would be publicly available rather than private, as it has been for years.

And what is his reasoning, you might ask? Why would users be perfectly fine with anyone accessing their private information? Why, because WE ALL BLOG, OF COURSE!

(Oops, sorry, the caps slipped out.)

Yes. Society is one big giant blogger and it’s Facebook’s duty to follow suit. Don’t believe me? Words from the wonder kid himself:

And then in the last 5 or 6 years, blogging has taken off in a huge way and all these different services that have people sharing all this information. People have really gotten comfortable not only sharing more information and different kinds, but more openly and with more people. That social norm is just something that has evolved over time.

We view it as our role in the system to constantly be innovating and be updating what our system is to reflect what the current social norms are.

OK, Facebook, listen up! You’re missing three very key important points here:

ONE. Yes, blogging is big. Pretty big, in fact. But Facebook-worthy big? Hells to the no. As Marshall Kirkpatrick writes, “Not very many people write blogs, almost everyone is on Facebook.”

And he’s right. I can think of numerous friends (Facebook friends, fancy that!) that do not blog, nor have any interest in blogging. Ironically, I can even think of privacy-zealot friends, who rightfully freaked out about the Facebook privacy changes this past December, who blog.

TWO. Which brings me to my second point: The difference between blogging and Facebook’s outlook on privacy is that with blogging we 100% control the information. I’ll say it again for emphasis: I ONE HUNDRED PERCENT CONTROL the information I put on any blog I own. Whereas, where it looks like Facebook is headed, they could completely take away that control. They could give my personal information to whomever they like, whenever they like, however they like and not tell me. And some things, like my profile picture, I can’t do anything to stop them from sharing that with the world. Does that make me feel comfortable? All warm and fuzzy on the inside? Absolutely not.

THREE. My last point: I expected better from the world’s largest social networking site. Facebook, really? Do you hear the tone of disappointment in my voice? Because it’s there. It’s really, really there.

You are not a follower. You shouldn’t be a follower. You didn’t get to where you were by following trends but by breaking through with something different and new. So don’t go trying to conform to “social norms” (which I would still argue, as who the h-e-double hockey sticks would find giving away their privacy, no problem, “normal”?)

What you could have done (what you should have done) was become a LEADER in privacy. Show the rest of those silly social networks how IT IS DONE. Boom goes the dynamite, done. Give your users somewhere they can feel safe, where they can interact with their friends and not have to worry about who is seeing what. And who is selling what.

TO WRAP UP. I think there’s any opportunity here, for some young whippersnapper, to seize. If a respectable Facebook competitor would emerge, built on a platform of trust and privacy, I could really see many people, including my lovable privacy-zealot friends, switching over immediately and completely purging their Facebook accounts.

The problem right now is there is no real competitor to Facebook, and this results in users having very little choice and say in what happens with their accounts, as we’ve seen over and over with the Facebook redesigns and policy changes in the last couple of years (seriously, how do they manage to NOT LISTEN AT ALL?!).

So, young whippersnappers: hop to! Give Facebook a run for its money! And leave our information to us. We know what to do with it. Trust us.

(I think I did maybe a B+ on the “Avoiding Caps” scale. I’ll work harder next time. Maybe.)

This is one of the most creative commericals [sic] I have seen in the whole of my life!

I’m not really sure what the advertising agency was trying to do with this. Maybe go for the “heart-warming family (re)bonding moment”? But, to me at least, it kind of came out…

Well. I’ll just let you watch and judge for yourself.

So, I found this ad via SmartCanucks.ca. What makes this bad ad even better? The blog reader’s reactions!

I had to share a few of the “gems.”

What this commercial says to me is, “Swiss Chalet – the perfect restaurant for estranged family” or something along those lines.

Exactly what you want your brand to mean.

Then the dad reaches across the table to give his daughter a French kiss…. ewwww

Incest: A Family Matter. And who better to celebrate with than Swiss Chalet?

For your creepy holidays: Swiss Chalet.

“Honey! We’ve found our new restaurant!”

I think the ad says, “even your loser dad whom your mom divorced can afford to take you to a decent dinner at Swiss Chalet”.

“Gee whiz, Dad! This is the best dang Christmas present a kid could ever ask for! If only you ‘n Mommy were back together… Everything would be perfect.”

“Son, your mother is nothing but a base floozie!” *throws The Festive Special to the ground*

That’s an extremely disturbing TV ad considering all the latest reports of pedophilia in the news.

I can’t. stop. laughing.

I would not reconcile with my estranged father because he bought me an $8 chicken meal – just sayin’…

Yes! You go, girl! You are better than that! Don’t let him buy your love.

Okay, so maybe we’re being unnecessarily harsh and tearing this ad to shreds but then again… Isn’t that what Christmas is all about? :D

So I’ve been spending a lot of time lately at my personal finances lately. Trying to figure out what my weak points are and where my strong points exist in my personal financial economy. I’m not going to lie – it’s been a little tight these last few months. Unexpected expenses… expected expenses that were more than assumed… spending habits that aren’t flexible… it’s been adding up. In a really bad way.

Part of my problem is I don’t have a set budget from the onset. My habit – one that I’ve only recently started getting into again – is to “post-budget,” as I call it. I take all the information from my online bank account: credit card, debit card, etc and pull those numbers down into a spreadsheet where I break all my purchases into categories. Eating out, grocery shopping, sports, alcohol, travel, cabs, cell phone, personal/beauty, etc. Then I take a look at these numbers and try to figure out where the bleeding is. Where I need to put pressure to stem the flow.

It helps in that I know I eat out a lot. (I buy a lot of food in general.) I like to shop. My alcohol spending is below where I assume other people’s spending is. This helps me try to adjust my behaviour. But adjust to what? I’m not really aware of how much I should be spending – or can afford to spend in a month on anything. This is a big, red flag to me and something I plan on addressing in the long-term.

But for now, I want to focus a little more short-term. I know I am heading to Montreal this weekend to see a very old and dear friend. And I want to make sure the cash flow is there so I can have fun and not be horribly embarrassed that I can’t afford to go out with him. Thus, I am challenging myself to a  4-day $0 Challenge. From Monday morning until Friday morning, I want to see if I can go without spending a single dollar. Not even a cent.

I asked Twitter 30 minutes ago:

Going to try to spend $0 from Monday am to Friday am. Think it’s possible?

The answers I received?

No! Because if it is possible, I’ll have to stop making excuses.

You will fail.

Sure, it’s possible to spend $0 if you’ve prepared for it the week before :)

No. ;-P

No

No! (Prove me wrong.)

Definitely not positive (not to confuse that with non-supportive). But it comforts me, in a way, to know I am not the only one dealing with this issue. And as we all know, it’s never really the big purchases that do us in, but the small, every day ones. Especially for me.

So, how am I going to do this? Read on…

1. No More Bought Breakfast, Lunch, or Dinner.

This is going to be the hardest one, for me, I think. Because boy, oh boy, do I love to buy food. Om nom nom. Especially because I’m tired in the morning, so have no energy to make breakfast. Then I’m lazy at lunch so will not bring a lunch. Then I’m in a rush for dinner so it’s easier to get something quick and easy than make dinner. Always with the excuses.

This is going to be hard for me, yes, but even more difficult this week, as I have social obligations every night – meaning my ability to go home and cook a meal are going to be severely limited.

To address this: Planning is of the upmost importance here. I know am going to be busy so I will have to make sure I have meals to cover breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next four days. Luckily, I bought some pasta and pasta sauce on Saturday and made a huuuuge pot of pasta. I now have ready made meals on-hand, in the fridge and freezer. No more excuses!

I also plan on making my lunch and dinner the night before and have it ready to grab in the morning when I am bleary eyed and sleepy. Doing this the night before will ensure my tiredness will not be able to be the excuse.

Finally, I love myself some Diet Coke. And our office has a Coke machine where I tend to spend $1 a day getting my fix on. That’s $5 a week or $20 a month of over-spending. If I took the time to actually go buy a 12-pack of Diet Coke at Sobeys of Loblaws, those packs only run about $5 at most. Right there, I would save $0.59 a day. It’s super small, yes, but honestly? There’s no reason for me not to do this. Now, I say this, and am lazy so I will not be heading out to a grocery store tonight. BUT! I did just buy myself 4 Diet Cokes at the convenience store just so I can ensure I will get my jolt every day, without spending any money in the pre-determined challenge period. At least I planned for that… right?

2. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Another problem with me is that I tend to bring food with me to work, and then not eat it in favour of going out. Why would I want this ratty old, kind of warm sandwich when I can have a hot delicious wrap? Screw you, homemade food, I’m going out! This results in a lot of unnecessary money being spent AND a lot of wasted food. It’s horribly bad how much food tends to go to waste when I am around.

To address this: I will just suck it up! And hope that the pride of actually eating my homemade lunch will overpower the loss of deliciousness I could have from the hot wrap down the street. Mmm, tasty…? Secondly, I’ll try my best to ensure that my lunch is somewhat appealing for me this week. A little creativity, and a little tempting my tastebuds could go a long way…

3. Avoid Impulse Purchases.

Seriously.

I went into Shopper’s on Saturday with the clear objective of getting 1. Shampoo, 2. Conditioner and 3. Kleenex. Somehow I walked out having spent $97 – and I forgot the Kleenex! Aaargh! (To defend myself, I actually ended up buying a bunch of groceries at the store so it wasn’t like I just spent $100 on beauty items. But still.)

To address this: Do. Not. Walk. Into. Any. Store.

Got that, Brooks. No stores. None. Not even just for a look. Hey, remember that time you decided to pop into a super sweet boutique with nothing you could afford with the clear goal of “touching only!”? And how you somehow walked out with a $70 purse? Remember that? THAT WAS WRONG OF YOU. YOU WERE A BAD PERSON THAT DAY.

Ok, now every once in a while is fine. And I can be good about letting the guilt of an unplanned and expensive purchase override my desires for a new shiny object. But for this challenge? Don’t even tempt yourself, mmk?

4. Be a Social Debbie Downer.

Yep. It’s true: Hang out with friends and you invariably spend money. The group mentality works well here. I know I have plans this week where I will be tempted to grab a beer with friends, or join in on some food. And again with the small purchases! I buy a beer or two every night of the week, as a social norm when hanging out with friends and suddenly I’ve spent $70 on beers in a 5 day period. That is insane!

To address this: I could be socially awkward and explain that I’m doing this weird $0 challenge. Or I could make people uncomfortable and say I can’t afford to buy even one beer (and make myself uncomfortable in the process -”Oh god! they’re judging my lack of ability to handle my own finances properly! What will they think of me!?”). Or I could just say, “I’m fine with water, thanks.” Or claim I’m on a diet. Or whatever.

I’m not sure which route I’ll choose. But I do know that I will stick to this challenge, even if it makes me a minor social weirdo for the night. I’m fine with that. And hey, readers, if you have any suggestions, let me know! (Note: No suggestions on how to get friends to buy me drinks; I’ll just feel horribly guilty if they do that!)

So! These are my tips to get me started. I start tomorrow bright and early. I have my breakfast already in my head. I know what I will make for lunch and what I’ll have for dinner. I’m curious to see how I’ll fare. The Queen of Spending is stepping down from her throne and going out to hang out with the villagers.

I’ll update this blog with any rants, raves, catastrophes or if it’s entirely uneventful, the outcome. Stay tuned!

“Someone needs to step in and audit how these lawmakers come to their conclusions as predatory tactics, which last I checked were not allowed in Canada, are being allowed to march through the regulatory gates without any resistance, all while laughing in the face of both Joe competitor and Joe public.”

– Rocky Gaudrault, CEO of TechSavvy

This article, highlights the issues Canadians have been facing for some time in regards to net neutrality and fighting the “Big Boys of ISPs”. The state of Canada’s landscape is absolutely ridiculous. We pay more for internet and face more restrictions than most developed countries.

In France, you can get an 18 MB/S connection with no cap PLUS 70 TV channels PLUS Unlimited VOIP for $66 a month. And if you’re under 26? Go ahead, take another 10% off.

Compare this to Canada: For $60 a month, you can get 10Mb download speed with a 512kb upload speed and a 60GB cap. Wow. What a steal! (Thanks to @ehacke for the information on this.)

Now the CRTC has agreed to approved a request by Bell to implement a pay per usage of $0.75 for every GB over 300GB their users use. What this basically means? They’ve taken away the ability for smaller ISPs who are renting portions of Bell’s infrastructure to differentiate themselves from Bell’s service.

It seems the CRTC is against fair competition and an open marketplace. Rocky Gaudrault’s call-out to the CRTC and higher ups in the government to take an in-depth investigation into how these decisions are made is fair and I support this 110%.

As Canadians, we should really take a stand and let these bullying ISPs know that we are NOT pleased and this is NOT okay. Please email your local MP to let them know that you are pissed off that this is happening. You can find out who your local MP is here.

I wish we didn’t feel so powerless as paying customers though. Capitalism, you have failed YET AGAIN.

Did a blog post YouTube style tonight. Let me know what you think in the comments guys. If I sound out of it, it’s because I did this post-NeoCitron. Might be feeling the efftects…. zzz.