#WriteOff09 – Day 7: Let’s Get Personal with Dealbreakers

15 Jun
2009
If you’re behind the game, here’s a link explaining The Great Write Off of 2009. You can find links and discussion to all posts by checking out the Twitter trending topic, #WriteOff09.

So I was talking to a friend the other day about deal breakers. In this context, we were talking about relationships, but this can apply to many things, including business and politics.

As UrbanDictionary.com defines it:

deal breaker: An issue within a relationship that constitutes one partner breaking up with the other. Note that they do not need to be a “good” reason by society’s standards, but are specific and individual to each relationship.

I can’t believe he broke up with her because she didn’t put out after 10 dates. I guess to him, that was a “deal breaker”

Or if you maybe remember 30 Rock doing a deal breaker skit on their spoof-SNL show, TGS with Tracy Morgan – this “trend is sweeping the nation”!

So. Deal breakers. They’re totally individual, may make absolutely no sense at all, and are a pretty strong motivator. And until recently, I had not given much thought to them at all.

I mean, I have a list of ‘wants’ I’d like in someone I date, but I find I’m pretty flexible. I’m just one of those people who likes who I like and I can’t really help it. In these cases, I tend to bend and twist my own pre-defined preferences if I want to be with someone.

So, I have my list of ‘wants’ but generally did not have a list of ‘do not wants’ or ‘do not wants to the point where I will break-up with you’. Except recently, when I decided upon two deal breakers of my own:

  1. Smoking - I find smoking absolutely disgusting. Sorry to any smokers out there but I do. It makes absolutely no sense to me as a habit or addiction and I don’t understand why someone would willingly do something that could result in cancer, among many other conditions and illness. That’s like saying to me, “Hey guys, I think I should drink a shot of anti-freeze a day. Just seems like a good idea to me, you know?”  Not only do I hate the logic that results in someone thinking this habit is an OK habit to have, I hate the smell of the smoke and how it clings to you long after the cigarette is out.
  2. Snoring - I don’t know what it is, but I get really irrationally angry at snorers. Yes, logically, I know they probably can’t help it but still. There’s something about someone snoring that really, really angers me. Especially if they wake me up. Thank you for waking me up from my delicious sleep so I can listen to you sleep. How thoughtful of you. I value my sleep a little more than maybe I should but if you’re a snorer, I want you nowhere near me. End of story. (By the way, I totally sleep like an angel. Just saying. (Bahaha.))
I’m not sure what really happened to push these two to the front. I think the dislike of smoking was always in the back of my head, but had never really presented itself as an issue until recently. Whereas I think with traveling and sleeping in hostels for two months this year really made me realize how muc I dislike snoring. Every night I went to bed thinking, “Will I be lucky tonight and not have to deal with snoring?” No matter what, after two months of hostel dorm rooms, you appreciate your bed and your silence so much more than you thought possible.

This post was a little too personal but I did want to talk about it. Perhaps a few of you would be so willing to leave your thoughts on deal breakers and if you have any, to make me feel a little less vulnerable?

  • Ben
    Pets. I like animals, but I don't want them in my house.
  • @Cat - Yes, I definitely wouldn't ask someone to make life-changing decisions just so we can go on a date. For once, they won't stick to it if it's for someone else and two, they could end up resenting you. (Though as Maggs said yesterday, anyway to get someone to stop smoking is a good way.)

    Your approach with dating someone who smokes is exactly how I deal with my friends who smoke, like my best friend. I refuse to sit outside with her if she's having a cigarette. I will not support you in any way, shape or form. As for someone I would date, generally I just end it early enough before the feelings grow into something more serious because I do really hate it *that* much.

    @Kyle - But see, you're a very lucky man to have Kate ;)
  • Maggs! You're saying you'd never date me? My heart is broken!
  • cough cough.
    aspartame emma, freaky deaky aspartame.
  • Cat
    I'm with you on the smoking - but we all have our addictions, and asking someone to make a major lifestyle change so that you can go on dates with them might be extreme. The line I take is, please don't smoke around me, no I will not go keep you company while you do it, and don't get upset when I don't want to hug and kiss you or wear your clothes or stay at your place.

    I'll date a smoker under those conditions - but I won't live with a smoker. At that stage the commitment level and life-blending is enough that I'd feel okay about pushing my desires on that a little more.

    And as for the snoring... if it's really love, trust me, you'll just get earplugs.
  • As someone who snores, I find your intolerance of our condition very hurtful :(
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