#WriteOff09 – Day 21: Moving to a New City
If you’re behind the game, here’s a link explaining The Great Write Off of 2009. You can find links and discussion to all posts by checking out the Twitter trending topic, #WriteOff09.
A while ago, I did your typical thing: Small town-girl packs up and heads to the big city to make it and become a rockstar. Or whatever. For me, it was hopefully to be an advertising rockstar, but rocking the stars was definitely in the plans.
Starting over in a new city can be tough. Even when you’re lucky enough to know a few people, there’s something so indescribably scary and exciting about leaving the place you grew up, the place where you know all the streets backwards and forwards and heading off into the Great Unknown.
I admit, the first few months of my time in Toronto were lonely. I might even go as far as to say I was depressed… Though due to circumstance. Generally, I am a very social person and was used to having a great group of friends around me. Suddenly, I listening to all my friends talk on the phone about all the fun they were having back home. It really hit me hard.
I still remember one Saturday I woke up around 11am but didn’t actually get out of bed until 7pm. What was the point? I had no where to be.
And so it took a lot of work on my part to bring my social life up to where it is today. Which is to say, I am a busy and very, very happy girl. I have a really great group of friends in my life; people I am grateful to know, who make my world a better place. I’m involved in many things as well. But, like I said, it took a lot of work. So I thought I’d share some of the things I found helpful when you’re starting out:
ONE. Join a Sports Team. Even if You Don’t Play.
Sports are a great way to meet new and interesting people! It’s a lot more natural to make friends with people you see once or twice a week for a common purpose. And it doesn’t seem weird or creepy to ask if anyone wants to grab a drink or food after a game, because most people enjoy extending the team camaraderie beyond just the playing time on the field.
Plus there’s just something about playing on a team together that brings people together. You can laugh over failed attempts, funny falls, the other team being a whiny little… – ahem. It really is good fun to play together, win together, lose together. There’s just something about bonding over moments like that, that when you add in a dash of team spirit, you suddenly you have your Saturday night plans, boom, like that.
Quick Tip: If you aren’t very good, or haven’t played many sports, I highly recommend just signing up for a beer league, or joining any available recreational level. Seriously, people in competitive leagues will be more of an enemy than a friend if you can’t play and sign up for competitive. Something about all that skill and ego just makes them a little crazy.
TWO. Be Socially Awkward.
Sometimes it doesn’t pay to be play it cool. Playing it cool might not get you the results you want. In these cases, you got to just go for the alternative: being socially awkward.
In these cases, it is perfectly acceptable, when meeting new people and liking them, to explain your situation. “Hey, I just moved here, x months ago, do you mind if we hang out again? I really don’t know that many people here in the city…” Most people will understand, having been there themselves. Those that still live in the city they’ve grown up in and have their pre-made set of friends, may not understand but can probably sympathize. It can be tough out there. Meeting new people isn’t easy. And I truly believe that most people are nice. They’ll get it and agree to hang out.
Quick Tip: You can’t ride on this coat-tail forever, though. Eventually, a real friendship has to form and bonds made or soon you’ll just be the annoying, nagging “friend” who constantly wants to do something. Don’t do that. Try to form a real friendship, and if it just isn’t happening, don’t force it. Cut your losses and move on.
THREE. Hang Out with Friends of Friends.
One of the things that has really helped me make friends is going out with a friend and their friends. Sure, you may feel like the lone man in the group, only knowing one person. But this is where the “trying” part comes in. If you’re not outgoing normally, do your best to speak up, to start a conversation. It can be scary. You’re putting yourself out there, potentially. You might even slip up a time or two, making a joke that no one gets or doesn’t find funny. But that’s ok. Keep trying. Eventually you will find a group of friends who get you and who are excited to have you join them. Then the real fun starts!
Quick Tip: Make sure, first, that’s it’s ok with your friend that you want to be friends with their’s. Some people get weird about their social circles mixing and interacting. Some just get jealous. Make sure you get the “All Clear” signal before proceeding, if only to avoid future drama.
FOUR. Take Risks.
Sometimes, you just have to do something that makes you incredibly uncomfortable. I still remember the day I took what I perceived to be a very scary risk. It was the summer of 2007, and I had just moved to Toronto. As I wrote above, it wasn’t exactly the best summer for me. I was lonely. And I had been invited to this random party.
It was kind of weird how it worked but I had been invited to a house warming party for this house people were moving into. It was actually a house I had been thinking about renting when I was first looking for an apartment in Toronto. The guy that had found the place who was looking for roommates had invited me to come to the house warming party he was throwing with the people who HAD decided to rent with him. I remember I had nothing to do that night, and had been lying around all day, with no plans for the evening so I thought, well, why not?
I showed up to the party alone, knowing absolutely no one – not even really the host himself. But I knew his name and what he looked like from Facebook. I ended up finding him and we chatted. And then I chatted to some other people were there. I actually made some pretty cool connections that night and had a blast – something I didn’t even expect. I even met a future boyfriend there. So you know what? It really worked out for me.
Quick Tip: When I tell people this story, they usually comment how much guts it took to show up at the party. But really, when you think about it, what do you have to lose? If it doesn’t work out, you will never see these people again. And if it does – well, you may soon find yourself talking to a guy you will eventually fall in love with. So, take the risk. It could work out better than you expect.
FIVE. Use Social Media to the Fullest Extent.
Social media can be really handy when you’ve first moved somewhere new. It’s not weird to add people to your network after meeting them at a party or messaging them now and again. This is one place where I would recommend keeping it casual, however. You don’t want to message them every time they’re online or you’ll look desperate and no one really wants to hang out a person like that.
I’ve met some great people by using social media. In fact, I only sort of knew Dan before I added him to Twitter and we got to talking. I’ve met some other great people through Twitter as well, like @KevRichards and @Myogis (she’s a Haligonian – who I started talking to when I was in Australia. Ah, the power of the internet!).
Sometimes someone you only know through hearing about them from a friend, or met very, very briefly are great Facebook adds. For example, my now-roommate and I met briefly at a party, joked about how we were totally BFFs, added each other on Facebook and now she truly is one of my closest friends and the most awesome roommate ever. (Perhaps it was love at first sight?)
Quick Tip: If they don’t add you back, don’t take it personally. Again, maybe they’re just not the kind of friend you’ll want in your life. Keep trying and leverage social media to meet people and get involved in your local social media scene. It will definitely be worth it in the end.
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So there you have it! Five not-so-quick ideas on how to meet people in a new city. I hope any newbies to a city will get some value out of this. It’s tough, and you can get homesick pretty easily but bear in mind it usually takes 6-8 months to really, truly begin to settle into a new place. Give yourself some time and keep working on it. I promise the rewards are DEFINITELY worth the effort.
Friends rule!
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Admin Stuff:
So Dan missed yesterday’s post due to… ? I’m not sure. I’m sure he had a good excuse though, because who likes to LOSE? Apparently Dan does.
Anyway, as per rules, because he missed posting it is now time to come up with a suitable punishment. Would readers like to chime in with any suggestions on what we could make Dan blog? Any and all ideas welcome.
Edit: Okay, so I guess Dan had sunstoke plus a 12 hour workday. Should we go easy on him, ladies and gents? Or follow the rules to the full extent? Let me know.

















